…silly silly people

…sometimes, just sometimes; i wish my autism was ‘more’- i don’t know what kind of more, but just more- because even when its printed on medical paperwork, diagnosed by the proper team, unless its ‘visibly more’, some people just don’t get it-

my isolation isn’t personal- if you need me, im there- surely ive shown that- but when im in this closed off world, which i often fall into, im ‘not angry’- i dont even wear that kind of spirit-

im simply overstimulated- trying to survive- im fighting wars and celebrating new daylights- im crying with a screaming child- rocking back and forth because my feet touched the bedroom carpet- im talking back to the intrusive thoughts that’s telling me if i dont pick up the shirt i dropped, i dont love the child it belongs to; while rushing back to pick it up, feeling sadly defeated against it- (if you understand severe intrusive thoughts, you’ll get it)-

im in excruciating pain and unreal flare ups, that even blood work reveals- im battling thought after thought after thought, sometimes demon after demon- and i could easily shut myself away for months upon months unintentionally, and truly mean no harm ‘at all’- and i don’t like long conversations- it is what it is- 10 minutes can be way too much for me- at the 7 minute mark, im usually overstimulated, simply remaining for you-

but the ‘unfair’ aspect of all the aforementioned, is when the autism “appears” as more, no one questions it- the overstimulation is understandable; and the few words and isolation, is met with much compassion- it’s like a specific ‘look’ is required to cease the majority of judgement, or a stronger outer dna of the spectrum- but when will the world understand, …autism dominates the ‘mind’ first, not the flesh.

silly silly people-

such silly ‘silly’ people-

kb 😔