…look mommy

…he’s so proud of his train game- his face just glows as he’s showing me- but my mind is gone and im trying desperately to hide it- it’s one of my unfortunate talents-

I think God has forgotten me- I just need the financial freedom to lay beside the sound of blue waves, and I sinfully envy the souls that can-

there’s this voice buried deep underneath that says im done, so I worry if the lions will catch me soon-and I wonder if the angels will step in to save me from my own mind-

as every soul that succumbs doesn’t necessarily want to- the pain is just unbearable- the pain is just beyond that too- it’s like cement on the soul- it’s so unfair- so very unfair-

why father can’t I lay beside the waters- close my eyes and hear its rescue in the waves? why won’t my gifts take me there?

why won’t you…?

kb