…all of them

Feb 11

Written By kim brown

…she’s so pretty

all of them-

i want to become pretty too-

i study them-

all the time-

their nails are done-

maybe i should get mine done too?

maybe that’s the entrance-

to feeling pretty and all-

she looks so girly-

I’ve worn this same outfit 30 days straight-

wash and go-

so i never really feel pretty-

i hate that i do that-

but life can be so heavy- so I prioritize what requires the most of me- and I let the rest go-

so if 50% of me is defeating suicidal thoughts, the other 50% of me is hiding it from the world- from my children-

so if I wash and go, clothes no longer become a need for thought- that energy is saved-

but who will love me as I am; if the wash and go remains- is it a cycle I can end?

so I can feel pretty too-

I feel so trapped in a life with a mind that doesn’t allow me to live-

but i do-

i want to live-

a farm maybe- with animals that are kind enough to restore me-

she’s so pretty-

all of them-

i want to feel pretty too.

…just a midnight vent