…vulnerable confessions

…today i feel like nothing

a mother who gives all,

but a painful mold of nothingness-

there’s this smile i keep painted on my face-

but the upkeep is like pointed darts to the brain-

do you have a painted smile too?

all these failed dreams, and failed gifts-

what will become of me?

deepened thoughts that refuse sleep-

begging me to write at 2 and 3am-

sometimes i decline- i just want to rest-

i hate these racing thoughts-

i hate crowds and bright lights,

and tons of voices colliding at once-

because it drowns me, and i wish it didn’t-

so it saddens me into nothingness, again-

who will love me with my indifference?

who will see thru the woman still searching for femininity?

the presence of the unfounded poet?

the only one in the room wearing yesterdays’ outfit, with pneumonia filled thoughts-

its so exhausting-

my mind is so exhausted-

i wish you could step inside for five minutes-

just a mere five minutes-

even as a believer,

even as a fighter,

even prayed up,

the disease of depression hurts-

and you’d be suicidal too-

-hang in there- 🫶🏾

vulnerable confessions.

kb