…the art of chaos

…i emailed her-

multiple times about my child-

she must be tired of me-

how could she not respond?

does decency not apply?

i wonder if she’s talking about me amongst others-

chitter chatter, but no reply-

something so simple can be so major for certain minds-

i hate that mine is one-

shes had multiple meals, a snack and her favorite drink at starbucks by now-

and im still hurting, immensely, over an email-

racing thoughts of anger and pain-

not understanding why four seconds of a response couldn’t be given-

contemplating suicide over something so simple that my mind makes beyond complex-

because to me, it’s a sense of abandonment- and I don’t understand why-

say ‘something’-

why couldn’t she say ‘something’-

all i needed was wisdom.

I don’t understand people.

so I took a drive and found art in my choas-

and found art in this ruined world-

and I stopped in the empty road, and admired it from afar-

and oh did it save me-

while running from the lions-

but fck those lions-

fck that email-

and fck a response too-

because what if she’s sick?

at home with the flu-

try telling my mind that-

why am i designed this way.

kb 😔