…that is all

…his smile-

he appears so content-

praises of my God blessing him-

forgive me father-

but he hurt me-

profoundly.

and I thought he was the black sand-

the calm id been waiting for-

because he spoke, and my sprinting thoughts paused-

elegantly.

so i silenced the guilt of sin and laid with him-

regret and doubt during the same panted breath of released celibacy-

I simply wanted to be wanted-

but not once did he call me beautiful-

not once.

and the black sand became dirt in the projects-

and the calm became self hate of repeated ignorance-

clean skin to used flesh-

bastard.

all suited up on social media-

upright stance for his praise God pic-

raving about his blessings-

fuck that!

you didn’t get that from my God-

that’s just luck nigga-

forgive me father-

but he hurt me-

deep.

but he said all is well?

that you’ve been good to him-

even posted the pics-

but where’s the distraught posts?

where’s the complications?

like the ones i have?

father?…

…his smile-

his stupid ass smile-

he appears so content-

praises of my God blessing him-

forgive me father-

but no-

not just yet.

send his ass a storm!

tad bit of lightening-

maybe 2 tornadoes-

fine,…just one-

but put my pic in it-

so he knows!

that is all father-

amen.

kb