…midnight thoughts:
it’s not even that im always sad, or even depressed- sometimes my depth just takes over- it’s exhausting sometimes- im sure many people question it- it does come across as a lot, but it’s truly just who i am- i just love so hard and so deep- and i think the closer ive grown with Christ, the stronger it becomes- ✨
i just want to be someones light, someones calm- the one in the over crowded restaurant who doesn’t complain, but compassionately understands- i want to be that soul- im still growing, and ill always be human; but i pray to become this great light in the world- even if doubted- ✨
today in church i saw a woman reach over and kiss her husband- she had a ring on her marriage finger, so i assumed- in that moment, i wanted desperately to have someone to pour my love into- but the one thing i crave is the same thing i fear, deeply- i just want to be enough for someone, because they will be enough for me- so i wiped my tears and refocused my faith- ✨
i hope God is proud of my full celibacy- not simply because i am; but because the purity is a dedication to him- entirely for him. i feel so ‘very’ dirty for taking so long to do so- may he have mercy- im so proud of the many years ive accumulated- prayerfully soon i shall be gifted with my boaz; so i can reach over and kiss mines too- ✨
idk why my mind is “so deep”- sometimes i miss the joke because im strategizing the message behind it 🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️- so im not really into comedy shows, smiling- but i guess we’re all designed as we are- indeed, indeed, indeed- ✨
-goodnight my deep thinkers- ✨
-remember to ‘stay’- ✨
kb.
